A question on User Management lesson

[Nazrina]

Hello Rose, and everyone,

I’ve just finished watching all the lesson videos on the User Management Unit. Thank you, Rose, for the great videos. Very informative and inspiring.

I have a question about the “apologizing to the customer” part. In the Different Type of Users video, it is mentioned that people who are a “Feeler” would respond to the user’s anger by apologizing. Also in the Effective Communication video, it is advised to show empathy by saying you’re sorry.

“…actually empathy is not only about saying you’re sorry. And importantly it’s not being sorry for something that happened. It’s actually feeling sorry about it.”

I’m trying to understand the difference between being sorry and feeling sorry. How do we distinguish the two?

In The Ultimate Guide to Customer Support book by The Zapier Team (p. 42), it says:

“Offer a heartfelt apology, even if you did nothing wrong.”

I do want to make the angry customer feels better by apologizing to them, but at the same time, I don’t want them to think that our company did make mistake when we didn’t. Even worse, I don’t want them to tell their friends that the company did something wrong.

In what circumstances apology actually works when dealing with customers?

Kind regards,
Rina

[Rose P]

Hello Rina,

Thank you for raising the questions. 😊 

I have a question about the “apologizing to the customer” part. In the Different Type of Users video, it is mentioned that people who are a “Feeler” would respond to the user’s anger by apologizing. Also in the Effective Communication video, it is advised to show empathy by saying you’re sorry.

There’s a thin line between empathy and apology. We apologize to angry customers, because either we caused inconvenience, or they experienced inconvenience through us.

However, our empathy is not only limited to angry customers. We can express empathy to any situation. i.e. with a customer who wants to get their shipment expedited. They can be not necessarily angry, but you could feel the urgency, so we can say something like, I can feel the need to receive the shipment sooner. Don’t worry; I will definitely check if we can expedite this for you. (note that your empathy statement should always be followed with your assurance statement.)

Another example is disappointed because they didn’t know they’re on automatic renewal, and they were charged automatically. We don’t have to apologize for this, nor say sorry. We could say, I realize you were not really expecting this to happen. I can absolutely review the transaction if it’s still possible to refund.

I’m so sorry to hear that, and/or I understand the inconvenience, have been widely used in Customer Service that they tend to sound monotonous at times. In this lesson, we aim to construct more empathy statements that would sound more appropriate (and sincere) to the user’s current emotions and situations.

I’m trying to understand the difference between being sorry and feeling sorry. How do we distinguish the two?

I must say the feeling of guilt is what separates them. You can feel sorry for what happened to another person. You feel for them, but it’s not your fault. You are only putting yourself to their situation, that if you were you would feel bad, too.

I compare this with a grateful person. You can be thankful in any situation, but not for every situation.

In The Ultimate Guide to Customer Support book by The Zapier Team (p. 42), it says:

“Offer a heartfelt apology, even if you did nothing wrong.”

In my opinion, this applies to situation when the company itself lacks something. In one of the lessons, I mentioned that when customers talk to you, they are not talking to you, but to your company. Most of the time, when a customer contacts us and upset with the company, we get initial instinct of Why are you shouting at me, it’s not my fault?

I do want to make the angry customer feels better by apologizing to them, but at the same time, I don’t want them to think that our company did make mistake when we didn’t. Even worse, I don’t want them to tell their friends that the company did something wrong.

Apologizing doesn’t always make customers feel better. Therefore, you don’t really have to apologize for something your company did not do. Empathy is seeing/hearing/feeling from the customer’s stand. You see the inconvenience. You hear the frustrations. You feel the importance. You acknowledge the emotions behind the conversation.

In what circumstances apology actually works when dealing with customers?

You apologize if you or your company caused an inconvenience to the customer directly. (i.e. wrong item shipped, delayed follow-up emails, delayed resolution, etc).

I hope this answers your questions. If you have any further questions/clarifications, feel free to let me know. 😊 

[Nazrina]

Rose, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my questions. I really appreciate it.

Your explanation above perfectly cleared up my confusions.

So, I’ll sum up here:

1. The feeling of guilt is what separates “being sorry” and “feeling sorry”.
E.g.:
– “I’m sorry (or “I apologize”) for my delayed response.” –> being sorry – feeling guilty

– “I’m sorry that you lost your previous XML file.” –> feeling sorry – but not my fault

2. Empathy is seeing/hearing/feeling from the customer’s stand. And I apologize if I or my company caused an inconvenience to the customer directly.
E.g.:
– “I understand that it is very frustrated when your email account is hacked. I’m so sorry that you lost all your data.” –> showing empathy, I can feel the frustration, but the problem is not caused by me or my company

– “I apologize for any inconvenience caused by the recent server glitch.” –> problem on the company

I hope those are the correct examples. Absolutely need more practice on these 🙂

Best,
Rina

[Aleeda]

Hello everyone 😄,

I am chiming in to ask a question on User Management, as well.

In Lesson 2, there is a slide that showed the clues on how to profile and then subsequently determine the personality type of the customers. It seems to me that a fair bit of these clues show how you can determine the personality type if you meet them in real life (e.g. Feelers speak slowly and softly, Thinkers may stop mid-sentence). Is there any way you can determine the personality type when you are interacting with customers via online chat, like from the way they type or word choices?

Also, there seems to be a clash between some of these clues, such as Thinkers and Controller use facts and data, Feelers and Thinkers tend to ask questions, Entertainers and Controllers tend to use command instead of questions. Is there any way to determine the personality type of the customers when chatting with them via online chat, since there are some similarities between the clues?

Best regards,
Aleeda

[Vinny]

Hi Aleeda,

What I think is when chatting online, we would need to dig deeper and interpret the sentences and words they choose. Since we cannot physically talk to them so we need to “sense the tone”.
Like for example, a feeler would have more emotions in his tone(like concern or disappointment)
A thinker, on the other hand, could be more logical and curious in his query. He/she would want details about the process or how a product works.
An entertainer can seem more enthusiastic and maybe can have a whole story prepared on how he landed on the issue 😉
While a controller can be very direct in their question and knows what he/she wants.

there seems to be a clash between some of these clues, such as Thinkers and Controller use facts and data,

Thinkers are described as “Ask Oriented” so I think they would want to gather information about the process or product. While controllers “focuses on facts and data” as they are result-oriented and wants a quick solution.

Feelers and Thinkers tend to ask questions

Feelers “Asks others for their opinions” as they can be indecisive in nature and not sure of what should be done.
While I think, thinkers are “Ask-oriented” because they want to dig into the problem, collect more information to understand and not land into the problem again.

Entertainers and Controllers tend to use command instead of questions

It is mentioned that Entertainers and controllers use the direct fast-paced approach of communication as opposed to the indirect slow paced. I think this makes sense that they could be of a commanding or instructive in nature.

@Rose, It would be great if you could give us more insights on it. We can perceive better then. 🙂

Thanks,
Vinny

[Aleeda]

Hello Vinny 😄,

Thank you for such a comprehensive and detailed response! Now I have a better understanding of the different personality types 😊.

Regards,
Aleeda

[Vinny]

Glad that it helped! 🙂
Thank you too! 🙂

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